Providing A Home for Children from Single Parent Families

Divorced Parents Are Affected Too

Unwed single parents might be the usual focus when we talk about issues related to single parents and housing. However, not known to many, divorced single parents also go through a lot of challenges in obtaining a house for themselves and their custodial children. MP Louis Ng also raised this concern in the petition as he proposed a removal of the debarment period (of 30 months) that bans divorced single parents from renting or owning subsidised flats from HDB, after they have sold their matrimonial flat (if it is a part of their divorce order). He argued that housing is a “basic right" and cited the Convention on the Rights of the Child to support his argument. Divorced single parents are also unable to own a flat for 3 years should their ex-spouse apply for and successfully own a subsidised flat (only one ex-spouse can own a subsidised flat during the debarment period).

Having a $1,500 income ceiling for renting a unit from HDB has also been difficult for single parents, even if they are not subjected to any ‘debarment’ as above⁶. This is because many of these single parents could be earning more than $1,500 but are unable to afford any other means of accommodation aside from a subsidised rental unit from HDB. These ‘lower middle-income’ single parents need as much help as those from the low-income group as they struggle daily to provide for their children amidst the rising cost of living, and very high rental in the rental open market (especially if they have no family to accommodate them).

Divorce is a difficult life decision fraught with multiple issues, causing the adults involved to struggle hard to cope with it.

Imagine how much more burdensome and challenging it is for the children, who are developmentally not ready, socially inept and emotionally unprepared to see their families torn apart.

Children of Unwed Single Parents

There was a case in which a young girl was in danger several times of possibly being taken advantage of sexually by the unsavoury boyfriends of her unwed single mother or the house owners, due to the 'nomadic' nature of the family. This made her mother keep moving with even more alarming frequency.

Such a nomadic existence for years, and living out of your suitcase is not the kind of stability that children can cope with at length. Children who do not have a place they call home will unfortunately be profoundly affected socially, educationally and developmentally. A few local news pieces have also been written on single mothers having to share an overcrowded house with their family due to this⁷.

Being a Pro-Family Nation

The argument against creating exceptions in housing policies to allow unwed single or divorced parents to rent and own HDB property is often couched in terms of preserving the sanctity of marriage and the family in Singapore.

Like many Muslims, I hold dear to the idea that society needs to have norms and rules, one of which is that a family in its proper sense is one where the parents are legally married and the children were born after marriage.

Being a Muslim and holding conservative views of family life however does not mean we should embrace guidelines that could jeopardise the living realities of children from single parent families, especially children whose mothers are not legally wed to their fathers.

No matter how ‘unmarried’, promiscuous, socially deviant or irreligious the parents may be from our perspective, the children should not feel society’s scorn and be the unwitting victims of conservative policies.

Let’s revisit Juanita.

Juanita – Revisited

Juanita is an unwed single parent. Her family rejected her and her (first) pregnancy, and thus began her downward spiral in life. She met a new love, who proclaimed he would care for her and her young child, but she was abandoned again when she was pregnant with his child, her second.

As much as we think that this is a girl who did not seem to be aware of the 'once bitten twice shy' saying, her life story was not about being 'promiscuous'. It was a story about looking for real love, a father for her children, and more importantly, a place to call home. She could not find anyone who was able to house her and her children, and having a boyfriend meant not only were her emotions attended to, she was also able to have a roof over her children.

I always wondered if she would be in such a state if she had been allowed to rent a room or buy a house after her first pregnancy. Would her life have turned out differently? Would she have had more than one child? Would her children have fared far better?

Even though the issues raised are worrying, the situation was much more difficult just a few years ago, when unwed single mothers were unable to receive subsidies for childcare and kindergarten fees and unable to get the Baby Bonus and maternity leave too. I also note the numerous revisions, changes and introduction of new policies that have enhanced the lives of so many of my clients. The many changes to policies have also resulted in great progress for children of unwed parents⁸.

As a Social Worker, I applaud and uphold the government's policies that honour family life, community living and national pride. Although the petition by MP Louis Ng failed because the ministry did not want to “undermine the prevailing social norm of parenthood within marriage”⁹, I am still heartened that the ministry is able to reassure that “in relation to meeting the housing needs of children with single parents, a range of government agencies work together to ensure that no child is without adequate housing, regardless of whether his or her parents are single or married”.

Looking Ahead

Entering 2018, I have every expectation and hope that Singapore will be a society that builds social policies having children in mind, and not only their parents (whom they have no control or choice over). Regardless of the mistakes that their parents have made in their choices of life partners or in their decision to not have one at all, their children should not be made to bear the brunt of this and should be given an equal head start in life.

Let’s keep in mind what Pam Leo, a parent educator and author of the book “Connection Parenting”, once famously said: “Let’s raise children who won’t have to recover from their childhoods.”